Try or Let Things Go, 2012
10 minute play

Performed at the 10 Minute Play Festival 2012, Baltimore, MD. Directed by Lola Pierson and Cricket Arrison.

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TRY
or
LET THINGS GO
 

CAST (in order of apperance)

Cormer – somewhat bedraggled.  Wears all red.
Philange – wears cap, is basically brainless.  Wears all red.
Grease – clean cut, wears a tie.  Wears all red.
Tree1 – a pine tree.  I’d like to see both these tree characters in big stuffed costumes with holes for their faces to stick out of and their faces are painted green.  You know?
Tree2 – a pine tree.  See above.

Note* - DON’T GET ANY FUNNY IDEAS ABOUT THOSE TREES BEING CHRISTMAS TREES.  THEY ARE NOT CHRISTMAS TREES.  JUST REGULAR.

SCENE 1  

Lights up on full stage.

STAGE RIGHT HALF:  A red table with a red chair.  Red paper, red marker, and red phone on the table.  All entrances and exits made to this setting happen stage right.
STAGE LEFT HALF:  Two green pine trees walk continually together, hand in hand.  (Not really moving, walking in place.)  All entrances and exits made to this setting happen stage left.

CORMER enters from stage right.  Sits down at table and picks up marker.  Begins writing on red paper with red marker.  Holds up paper, examining writing.
 
CORMER: Can’t fucking see this shit.  Scribbles out writing.  It’s like nothing happened.  Continues to attempt to make some kind of notes or writing despite the fact that it is accomplishing to marks whatsoever.  GREASE enters from stage right, holding a pile of Netflix envelopes.

GREASE: Here you go.  Hands CORMER awkward falling-around stack.

CORMER: Only kind of looking up, half paying attention Yeah cool just put em there.
 
GREASE: Fumbling with other official business materials Hey . . .  did you see . . . where’d that one from yesterday . . .
 
CORMER: Haphazardly draws a big invisible X on a piece of paper, hands it to GREASE Here, here’s a new one.
 
GREASE: Relieved Oh yeah, great thanks.  Ok I’ll see you at 3.  Exits

CORMER starts fussing with the Netflix envelopes, organizing them or something.  You know, perfoming a task.  After a few moments PHILANGE enters.  Stares at CORMER with awkward excitement for an inappropriate amount of time.

PHILANGE: Netflix!
 
CORMER: Hey, Philange.
 
PHILANGE: Yeah!
 
CORMER: So, I’m workin on it, I dunno . . .. It might take me a little extra longer today, I’m having this problem with the marker . . .
 
PHILANGE: Ok!  Beat. Netflix!
 
CORMER: Yeah, I know.  We work for Netflix.  Fusses with materials.  PHILANGE continues to stare excitedly.  (Without looking up) Hey did you hear they were gonna take away our vacation plan?
 
PHILANGE reacts with thoughtless interest/surprise.
 
CORMER: (Continues to stare at paperwork) Somebody was saying the other day that we weren’t gonna be able to take unlimited vacations anymore, do you know if that’s true?
 
PHILANGE drums fingers together excitedly, pretending to understand.
 
CORMER: Cause I just gotta know, you know?  It’s like eating me up inside.  I just have a thirst for knowledge.
 
PHILANGE: Yep!
 
CORMER: I don’t even care personally you know?  Like I’m not even going to take a vacation this year no matter what.  Probably not next year either.  But I just like knowing what kind of vacation plans everyone’s operating under.  Beat.  You hear what they got going over at Cha-Cha?  PHILANGE stares.  CORMER makes a few marks on the paper, absentmindingly handing them to PHILANGE who collectes them in a pile.  I saw on the internet that they have to take a 2 week vacation every 3 weeks, and it has to be somewhere exotic like a big frilly beach.  I couldn’t believe my eyes!
 
PHILANGE: Ooh!  10 more please!
 
CORMER: Yeah yer gonna have to come back later, I’m all jumbled up over here.  Gestures to messy desk.  PHILANGE makes a comforting face and touchy gesture, like touches CORMER’s shoulder tenderly, then exits.  CORMER continues to deal with the work at hand.  Continues to work at the desk as the rest of the scene plays out.
 
TREE1 looks up, staring at the sky.  TREE2 looks around contentedly and starts idly humming.

TREE1: (Staring into sky) Hey is that a bird?

TREE2 continues humming but makes a “hmm”? face at TREE1.

TREE1: See that blue thing up there?  (Points up with free hand) It’s like, you can’t tell if it’s moving or not but it might be getting farther away?  I think that’s a bird.  It could be a bird.
 
TREE2: (Agreeably) Do you want me to concede that it is a bird or argue against it being a bird?
 
TREE1: (Squinting at the sky) It’s so hard to tell from this distance.
 
TREE2: Which would you rather?
 
TREE1: On second thought . . . you know . . . it could be a baseball cap . . .
 
TREE2: Why don’t YOU say it’s a baseball cap and I’LL say it’s a bird?  That sounds like a pretty good time, I’m going to start thinking about my case.  (Becomes thoughtful)

TREE1 peers at the object while TREE2 contemplates the bird possibility.
 
TREE1: Oh.  Know what?  It wasn’t anything.  There wasn’t anything there after all.
 
TREE2: Huh.  Ok well let me know if you see anything else that might be a bird cause I think I’ve come up with a good argument.
 
They continue to walk contentedly together. Lights down on both sides.

SCENE 2
 
Lights up.  GREASE sits at the table.  A red desktop computer, red clock reading 3:00 on the table.  Netflix envelopes cover everything.  CORMER stands next to the table, addressing GREASE.  TREE1 and TREE2 continue to walk contentedly in silence.

CORMER: (continuing a conversation already in progress.  CORMER is having a heated discussion, GREASE calmly continues to work, staring at his computer throughout.) Cause I’m just the kind of person who tries to really consider EVERYTHING, you know?  I mean I guess things like this just don’t matter to the “average joe down the block” but I can see the big picture!  I mean I’ve got my eyes wide open but these guys, these guys in Central are just FUCKING with EVERYTHING (getting more aggitated) and they don’t even CARE!  It’s all just one big martini sandbox to them, but I’ve got my ear to the wall and my eyes to my ear!  I can see all KINDS of shit!  I’m making CONNECTIONS!
 
GREASE hits enter repeatedly, ignoring CORMER.  CORMER sighs, staring at the ceiling, pulling it together.

CORMER:(Calmly) Look, anyway, can I get a new marker?
 
GREASE looks up at CORMER.  Reaches under some Netflix envelopes to retrieve a red marker.  Hands it to CORMER.  CORMER takes it and exits.  GREASE continues to work at computer for rest of scene.
 
TREE1: Hey, will you help me write my cover letter later today?
 
TREE2: Sure.
 
TREE1: I’m going out for a position at a big branch.
 
They both laugh extremely heartily at this hilarious tree joke.  Beat.

TREE1: Oh, that reminds me, will you help me write my cover letter today?
 
TREE2: Oh sure!  Say, what fun!  I’m great at things like this!  (Consultantly) Now, you’re going to have a lot of people telling you that it’s important to use “action” words but what I like to do is just draw a nice big oval in a special color I pick out.  Pretty big you know?  Like you want it to fill most of the page.
 
TREE1: (Earnestly considering this advice) Hmmmmm.  What color should I pick?
 
TREE2: Well, each situation is different.  You need to tailor to the particulars.  What’s the position?
 
TREE1: Firefighter.
 
TREE2: Okay, so, I mean, I don’t want to be pushy because this is about you.  But think about how the firefighting industry makes you feel . . . go from there.  Remember, this is about what you can bring to the team.
 
TREE1: Thinks for a bit.  Alizarin crimson.
 
TREE2: (Earnestly) I think that’s a good choice.  Alizarin crimson says a lot.
 
They walk in silence for a bit.
 
TREE2: When we get home I’ll show you an example of an oval.
 
Lights down.
 
SCENE 3

Lights up. CORMER’s office.  Red marker and paper on table.  Under the table CORMER has constructed an igloo out of netflix envelopes.  The igloo is lit from inside causing it to glow in a nice way.  CORMER is visible inside the igloo (possibly only in shadow.)  The red phone is inside the igloo.  A windchime hangs from the igloo ceiling.  (Things inside the igloo need not be visible.) CORMER is continuing to do paperwork of some kind.

TREE1 and TREE2 are sitting at a table that is identical to the red table except it is green.  TREE2 has a box of crayons and TREE1 has a yellow #2 pencil.  TREE1 chews thoughtfully on the end of the pencil.  TREE2 is slowly and with great concentration, drawing something.

TREE2: There.  Holds up smallish image of an oval.

TREE1: Ohhhhhh!  TREE2 continues to draw ovals in different colors and TREE1 continues to write.  Hey what do you think sounds better:  “It rained on my dick,”  “My dick got rained on,” or “My dick got rain on it.”
 
TREE2: (Thoughtful) Hmm.  You’re putting that in the cover letter?
 
TREE1: No, this is a poem I’m writing.
 
TREE2: Shouldn’t you work on that letter?
 
TREE1: I don’t feel good.  I can’t concentrate on it.
  
TREE2: I like the last one.
 
TREE1: (Writing it down) “My dick got rain on it.”
 
TREE2: (Holds up most recent oval) These are really coming out pretty good!
 
TREE1: (Points to another oval on the table) I like that one.  It’s very assertive.
 
TREE2: You don’t think it’s too pushy?
 
TREE1: Oh no!  It has an air of confidence but it doesn’t carry on.  It says “I’m me, world!”  And plus it’s so round but plus it’s long.
 
TREE2: Maybe I’ll show that one to my mom.
 
They continue to work for duration of scene.
GREASE enters the right-half scene.  CORMER continues to work.

GREASE: Cormer?
 
CORMER: Hey!  Down here.
 
GREASE: (Notices the igloo and bends down to talk to CORMER)  Hey, you’re late on the 4:45.
 
CORMER: Oh man, so get this right?  I called up Central right?  And of course they wouldn’t tell me anything BUT THEN I checked out the Reddit on em and it looks like the whole thing is just a hoax to cover up this intense corn situation!  CORN! (Searching around) I mean it makes so much sense, you know?  It’s all tied together, the whole thing’s corn.  Beat. God what’d I do with that marker?
 
GREASE: Do you have the 4:45 yet?
 
CORMER: (Ignoring GREASE’s question) But check it out!  I found a way to beat the system!  Yeah you can come in if you want!  I can just move these papers out of the way . . . (shuffles papers around inside the igloo)

GREASE: (Makes no motion towards entering the igloo) I just need the 4:45.
 
CORMER: Isn’t this great?  I have my phone in here and everything!  And look I got a wind-chime!  (CORMER chimes the windchime)

GREASE: Are you getting much wind in there?
 
CORMER: Not really.  But know what else I’m not getting in here?  CORN!
 
GREASE: Look I’m gonna come back in 20 minutes, finish that 4:45 or Central’s gonna be pissed.  (Notices marker on top of table and grabs it.  Exits.)
 
CORMER: (CORMER doesn’t notice exit and is till talking to GREASE) Yup, looks like those chumps are in for a RUDE AWAKENING.
 
All lights down.

SCENE 4
 
Lights up.  CORMER is still inside the igloo.  The light is on and we can see that CORMER is lying down.  We hear CORMER lightly snoring.  The windchimes inside the igloo chime lightly in a breeze.  CORMER snores louder.  All lights down.

SCENE 5
 
Lights up.  On the right, we are back in GREASE’s office.  The clock still reads 3:00.  PHILANGE stands next to table.  GREASE works at computer, somewhat angrily, muttering silently to PHILANGE.  PHILANGE is nodding in agreement.  Two identical green chairs sit side by side on the RIGHT half of the stage.  TREE2 sits in one reading a book titled “PINECONES.”

GREASE: I don’t have time for this.  It was due YESTERDAY.  I don’t have time for this shit.  No time!
 
PHILANGE: (In agreement)  Netflix.
 
GREASE: Exactly.  Exactly.  We ARE Netflix!  This isn’t some pony party.  This is the REAL DEAL!  PHILANGE continues to nod in agreement.  I mean look at me.  I’m wearing a TIE.  This is a place where people wear TIES.  I’m wearing other ties you can’t even see!!
 
PHILANGE: (In agreement) NetFLIX.
 
GREASE: Exactly.  (Types aggressively on keyboard, becoming more and more frustratred due to some kind of internal monologue.)  You know what?  You know what??  I’m sending a memo.
 
PHILANGE: (Excited)  Ah!
 
GREASE tappity tap taps away at the memo.  PHILANGE watches with excitement.  TREE1 enters scene on right dressed in a firefighters coat and hat and looking dejected.  TREE1 holds one end of a hose which runs offstage.  TREE2 looks up from book.

TREE2: You look great.
 
TREE1: (Sadly drops hose) I feel awful.  That went terribly.
 
TREE2: Oh I’m sure you did fine.
 
TREE1: (Slumps into empty chair)  I feel like a jerk.
 
TREE2: Would you like me to comfort you or to commisserate with you?
 
TREE1: I’m miserable.
 
TREE2: What happened?
 
TREE1: I showed them my cover letter and they said that it WASN’T a cover letter and that firefighters don’t NEED cover letters and that I should probably just forget it.  Then someone’s cigarette accidentally set me on fire as I was leaving.
 
TREE2: Well that’s not your fault.
 
TREE1: I brought my own hose!!  (Gestures toward hose)

TREE2: I’m sure you did better than you think.
 
TREE1: I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if they call.
 
TREE1 sits and waits for the firefighters to call while TREE2 continues to read.  Lights down.
 
SCENE 6
 
Lights up.  CORMER’s office.  The igloo is still here.  It is no longer lit.  Papers and netflix envelopes are still strewn around.  CORMER is lounging in the chair, feet on table, reading a red book titled “SNOW.”  TREE1 and TREE2 are back outside walking hand in hand.  TREE1 is no longer wearing the firefighter outfit.  TREE1 is happy and excited.  TREE2 seems content.

CORMER’s phone rings from inside the igloo.  CORMER ignores it and continues reading.  The phone rings a couple more times and then we hear the answering machine pick up.

ANSWERING MACHINE:  (CORMER’s voice) Guess what buddy?  I’m not your tool.  I don’t HAVE to pick up the phone just because you called.  I’m not going to listen to your corn-fed talky-talk ANYMORE!  SO YOU CAN JUST FORGET ME PAL CAUSE I TOOK THE RED PILL BABY AND YOU CAN’T SEE ME FROM YOUR CORPORATE SOUNDPROOF HELMET ANYMORE YOU FACIST SO LEAVE A MESSAGE.” Beep

GREASE’S VOICE OVER PHONE: Cormer pick up I know you’re there.  Look, I need you to get me that stuff today by 3:21 cause Central is all over me and they’re threatening to take away my Cyber Monday vacation time.  I really need you to get me that paperwork and those dvd menu designs asap.  Beat Did you get the memo I sent?  Cormer?  Beat  Come on man, I just booked a whole trip it’s like this Alaskan gettaway!  Pick up I know you’re there!
 
CORMER’S VOICE OVER ANSWERING MACHINE (CORMER is not talking, voice is heard only through the phone):
I’m not picking up.
 
GREASE VOICE: Well then what am I going to tell Central??  Look, will you just tell us if you quit or not?  Beat. Goddammit.  Hangs up.

CORMER smiles and continues to read.  The igloo light comes on and we hear the sound of windchimes in the breeze.
 
TREE1: (Continuing a conversation) Because right now they’re just all called that because it’s a monopoly.  And that is ILLEGAL.
 
TREE2: Huh.
 
TREE1: Mine will be called “First Emancipated Fire Fighters Brigade.”
 
TREE2: Oh!  That’s very nice.
 
TREE1: Once Central gets my Letter of Complaint & Intent then the ball will really get rolling.  (Excitement glistens in TREE1’s eyes)  Beat.  Hey do you wanna be in my fire department?
 
TREE2: (Flattered) Oh no thank you I couldn’t.  TREE1 is not offended.  They walk some more.  TREE2 points into the sky.  Look!  A bird or a hat!
 
TREE1: Looks into sky as well. Oh yeah.  Hey you know, I guess that IS a bird or a hat.
 
TREE1 and TREE2 stop walking and continue to stare up into the sky.

THE END